can you have both asperger's and narcissism

There is no way I can leave apart from the fact that he could not manage without me, I am 83 and not able to consider going elsewhere I have no friends or family, I would be on my own. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. I sat down on my bed, said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for the person I had become. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. A truly beautiful person. Every real symptom can be explained by a combination of biochemistry and consciousness studies none of which needs any of the cult speak of psychiatry. I wouldnt have survived to write this if I hadnt had an enormous amount of very good quality help from books, friends and therapists. I think these are both related to the abuse that Im sure (but without any evidence) that they received. we live in a world of extremes of both and there is your answer. It may be that people with Aspergers are as varied in their characters as other folk, some of whom are incredibly cruel to animals and some of whom love then to bits. I tried to encourage him to get himself assessed but he said he didnt see the point given his age he didnt think it would be beneficial. Good day For many of us that is something we can only dream of. Marriage is conventional and can be a nightmare to undo. My marriage ended after 38 years and I was a wreck, but with self help I feel I have bounced back to a new wonderful life. With my 3 bro/sis all narc to heavy level its sure i was meant to be or .. am i? please allow this thought (it is a fact to the normal smart person but it could get you censored online to mention it) He does whats right for him because he struggles to understand whats right for others. As far as possible I stay away from him and try to remember not to start a conversation. He then showed me her photo on his phone and I lost it, knocking the phone out of his hand. I should be.. i dont know, depressed? Just like I cant change my introverted personality. It is very important to me. I thought the list was a bit one-dimensional and generalizing, in fact. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. Hey everyone look my father is a liar he said he gave me x money but here the proof he never did, he used it to gamble on stock market. things like that. Childhood traumas need to be dealt with promptly but when these traumas are not understood they show up in the most peculiar ways. I know that for sure. Comorbidity of Asperger's syndrome and bipolar . Why do you let him live with you? He told me he did a quiz too and it came back saying he was likely Autistic. The relationship will fail if you think that "dropping hints" or describing your needs in vague terms is enough to get your point across. 7. I am at last feeling more stable, and Im certainly more aware, and hope, some day, to use ALL of my brothers and my experiences for the good of poorl metal health sufferers and therapists alike. If you are worried about the mental health of yourself or someone you care about, prioritize it. Years and years looking for answers. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. People making excuses for Narcissists, hiding what they are behind Aspergers, which is not something to joke about, need to stop. Yet they can really convince people they are the nicest, caring, FUN people you would want to spend time with. What prompted me, was that I have another daughter with three children, two recently diagnosed with autism. Consequently I had a melt down myself and put space between us. are included. Perhaps he acquired a paranoid personality disorder on top of that or at least depressive traits. I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. Hes clueless about the damage he causes. People stop accepting non-sense from pseudo-experts and get some big perspective on life. HELL YA! Hes a loner and so am I so I thought wed be compatible. I suggest walking away from those you dont, and dont give in to the guilt trip that you feel bad because you havent seen them, or some other guilt you feel. Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. That was just the trigger. Now we meet every 2 weeks, and have a chat and a coffee, we still have interests and ideas and views in common so plenty to talk about. He basically accuses me of trapping him here, not caring about his needs and mental health, that I am a failure. I wish you luck with your maturation as time moves on. I just came to the understanding that narcissism is a spectrum, and that my mother might be on it. And more than anything else i do it.. for me ME I try to make myself proud not others Thats the weird thing with my condition. I been destroyed and they tried to ruin my life up to .. erasing it for decades. Break up and never look back. Overtime, he has also changed to do some of those things too. The problem is I know my father is an narcissist, I have thought that for many years. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. 5. Is it Asperger's or Narcissism or Both? I have listed them here with a bit of an explanation, and perhaps they may be of help to you: a person is not responsible for how another thinks (in other words, do you expect others to be responsible for how you think? I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. He compliments me on how I look etc, mostly physical things. Because there are many individuals that are not the same? Other autistics actually have an excess of empathy- a bit like the HSP (I wonder if all HSPs are actually autistic but that I dont know). Consider pathological narcissism. We then began watching a couple of DVDs, one depicting Temple Grandins life growing up and her struggle with her autism. Autism linked to mirror neuron dysfunction. Can anyone suggest what I can do ???? 2. Now they act as those never existed. 9. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. What an awful thing to say to someone trying to recover from narcissism. In the begining of our marriage I did find it quite difficult to accomodate his ways which I believe I am a very patient and tolerant person but there has been many occassions where I feel very hurt. I can tell you narcs are stupid.. morons because their lack of empathy makes them blind and totally unable to get what is going on. A tribe can not afford narcissists which means it isnt human, of nature. When I inadvertently triggered rage in him it was wild and an eye opener, as I can suffer CPTSD, and unfortunately lost a friend of very many years the next day. An emotionally neglectful childhood, involving parents who did not empathize, may result in narcissistic traits in adulthood. ), general poisoning mould, pesticides, F-, pharma, do I need to add heavy metals and Aluminium to all this?? He is very intelligent man but I wonder sometimes if hes not on a spectrum somewhere. I get your point. I have a daughter living with me and she has level 2 autism. It is liberating to understand the situation and adjust yourself accordingly rather than expecting the situation to adjust to you. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. He will pick up every small thing around the house I do, particularly when he gets stressed. According to the film The Magic Pill, even eliminating carbohydrates can markedly reduce the symptoms of autism! With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. She likens it to living in a bubble and when she steps out of that bubble and she cant handle it, anxiety takes over. She was always the ultimate giver and forgiver. He has not worked for 10 years now (hes 46) and I am the only person bringing in money. Narcissism or Aspergers? Thats changing because she has done so much therapy and is in a healthier place than she could ever have hoped to be. But well, still with such a family and childhood. How is that to their advantage? But I do believe my father thinks completely different to other people. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. Is the author advocating that partners of aspies should stay? Its hard i have to act and look strong and narc to protect myself while trying to be good and do good around me undercover? In hindsight, I regret offering any armchair diagnosis, even though Ive spent many many hours studying these things for my sake, her sake, and our families sake. I can understand this up to a point, but I am still researching the field of autism and narcissistic personality disorder, and retrospectively trying to make sense of my life. Perhaps if they are seeing and are subjected to these traits then there is a possibility of developing them. He contacted me about having a coffee however I made him wait for a couple of months, i just wasnt ready. I mean therapies and such helped but .. really.. 10% therapy 10% medications 80% my own discoveries and work on myself. Break up and never look back. And it was clear, looking back, his autism was in fact a bit to blame. He has almost savant like abilities with facts, dates, details and questions if others really know what theyre talking if they cant relate their knowledge as well as he does. LadyJay you have found what I have found. I do not live in the USA, but I do watch the news coming in from that country on the pandemic. But then dam that looks so narcissistic. She is very confrontational and I do not like confrontation, so I have cut her out of my life as of now. Then there is the story of the post-trauma. Think about all the mean things hes done to you, not the good things, and you may find there wasnt that many good things anyway, if you put the good and bad side by side. These books came from our local library and were suggest by a teacher who taught at a one teacher school and had to deal with an autistic child. Dont give up as you will be holding the answers for yourself deep inside yourselves. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. How to Tell the Difference. Recognize that if your partner hurts you, it is not intentional. there I said it, is the world still running? He said I it was from a 30 year job in law enforcement where that is accepted but I think its just the way he is like he has no clue not to do it. He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible. It sounds as though you may have to make a stand and for yourself as life will not change until you do. I really dont believe the previous person is correct. She has worked through her own massive emotional abuse growing up and I am in awe of her as a person. He is happy for me to do this but not in our home, especially when he is around or knows about it. Narcissistic rage is an outburst of intense anger or silence that can happen to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Asperger's syndrome may manifest as narcissistic social isolation, as well as difficulty reading others' feelings. And yes if you can get away from the blackhole like spirit of these people you are unwittingly facilitating. Yes one doesnt have to go overboard with putting themselves first, but they dont have to give in to the whims of what others want to feel happy. I believe that is always possible. having anxiety about going to school. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! Dont know what to do, just not respond to his texts or keep the dialogue going. yes. Narcissists tend to feel that others' achievements are solely due to luck and conceive of themselves as the sole victims of circumstance. He blames others for whatever happens, he was in denial at the beginning when he should have been organising the whole country to pull together, and it is still not pulling together. It has been suggested that this occurs because of under-utilized mirror neurons in childhood, which leads to dysfunctional mirror neurons in adulthood (Kellevision, 2015). My daughter was diagnosed as Level 2, which describes her as socially unable to mix. He knew he wasnt marriage material which I deeply respected, mainly because he didnt want to be responsible for a wife or children. We were not monogamous. For what? I am struggling with a manager who appears to have high functioning autism / narcissism. The light she shines on me is scary at times. Narcs if only they could self-destroy each other instead of trying to beat the few good people that are left in this world haa :(. They do not do this to be controlling, feed their ego, or fulfill a personal need for superiority. Even if they have high IQs they are still total retards on a human level and its mostly them that run the society.. wonder why its going so bad? Time has passed since I wrote those comments and I can say the journey to recover from the relationship with that afflicted person has been very difficult. He talked about moving in together when his daughter moves out in another year. Ive a small group of friends so this support helps. He can be as sweet as pie and can be mean and cruel I suspected autisim (his nephew has a more than moderate case living with supervision in a home). So all of his behavior never made sense to me. Also someone with Asbergers focusses more on themselves, where as the Narcissistic person focusses on criticising and manipulating others. I cannot tell if it was a good thing that my family aside from being all narc monsters, were also all very smart giving me the highest iq/capacities of the family which is mostly (aside from being sensitive) what drove my brothers and parents into a sickening jealousy. Narcs want to be adored and to maintain control; if they pissed me off, I would not be able to hide it OR let it go. Lol the good thing is it forced me to figure it all by myself.. i got a master degree in narcissistic disorder lol and now i spot them from miles away. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. We used to go out every Saturday, but now he pulls a face if I wanted to go somewhere, so we dont. You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again. He clearly resents that. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. Autism also resides on a spectrum. I do not understand manipulative behaviour and fall into the same traps over and over again, even with the same person. My moms husbands seems to have both Aspergers and covert narcissism. Narcissism or Aspergers: How Would You Diagnose These Cases? However he spends upto 2 hours a day looking at them. It is unlikely, for an individual to be both autistic and narcissistic. He came from a very isolated situation where he was taught only to depend on himself and never ask to borrow or lend off anyone else. I know in my heart that Im not a bad man. Fantastic books, Id recommend them to anyone in recovery, and anyone interested in the human condition. 10. Permission to publish granted by Sharie Stines, PsyD, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert. Everything at the right time to make me fail all i try to achieve and dig dig always with that massive guilt moutain they keep building to push me to suicide. If someone is doing something stupid, you cannot jump inside their brain to stop them, they need to use their brain to stop themselves, the responsibility is not yours.) He was talking one day about his job and pedophiles came up and I mentioned Id been molested as a child. Yes I agree. Asperger's: When Narcissism Just Doesn't Explain Your Partner's I hope Ive now got an extra ten years up my sleeve. But I keep hurting her by my crippling inaction on a bunch of things like keeping up with bookkeeping for our business (which puts her financial security in jeopardy), or getting life insurance for myself. She was diagnosed only two years ago and is now 34. My first marriage was to my highschool sweetheard who I was smitten by from the minute I saw him the school playground at the age of 15. Its possible that my subconscious just wanted that bridge to burn once and for all. I was always a very confident female who felt she could accomplish anything I put my mind to yet he would always have a negative or VERY INSINCERE comment in front of others about anything I accomplished in my life. Maybe I shouldnt. My husband has some from both but primarily Narcissism but just got diagnosed in 1 hour for Asperger. I know that doesnt work so well for narcissists though, given the often extreme lack of self awareness. are happy, it makes me happy. The Aspergers description is clumsily written and inaccurate. He may also have a certain amount of autism. Im in a 30 year relationship with an empathic woman who is just wonderful. If he was a stranger would you size him up for what you might think he is? Nine months ago his 34 year old daughter moved back in with him after getting a divorce and had an old dog that had been living with her friend while shed been married and now wanted it at her dads place to live with her. University of California, San Diego. I might be too, just not as much as him so I try and sympathize with his unusual behavior but its getting harder to do. All rights reserved. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. And you are correct. Narcissists have a way of getting you back, its called guilt. People are not.. really smart in general, sorry for straight talking. They are capable of approaching you. I had to tell him 3 different occasions the same thing before he realized what I said and was surprised. This was a huge step for me in understanding how she felt. Time and time again. He never asks how I am, and only asks what I think about something to help him make a decision, because hes incapable of making them. Narcs ofc I had the potential to do whatever i wanted, i even had the hospital CEO of my region offer me a complete scholarship and all expenses to end of university in anything i want as long as its high management or medecine/pharmacy etc. and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual if I may add it to this reply. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. I have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after years of being considered as bipolar. We do not lack empathy, we have great intuition altho it can be difficult for us to understand it, and some of us are definitely sensitive. The Difference Between Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder We developed fantastic intimacy when were were in that space, and I doubt Ill find anything to compare with it. Aspergers AND Narcissism? : r/aspergers - Reddit I was out of food not sick or going mentally bad! Autismalso resides on a spectrum. I can prove all my allegations, its the sad truth that more than just me live. I did this often to remind myself what I was dealing with. They all believed that i had a magical power like a jedi and that for me everything in life was easy and that if i didnt achieve anything so far it wasnt because of theeir help or because of all my life struggle, nope i was just LAZY. I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people. So you can think of it as neurotypical women working past 40 are internally driven TOWARD accomplishing something big. The book if anyone is interested is Look Me In the Eye. Most libraries have it and most bookstores. I have set myself boundarys as far as her stepping into my personal life, and I am the one who has to step her back if she over reaches, because she just feels she is trying to sort it. My reaction scared me and I finally left him for my own sanity. This brought on the most horrendous fear in him which he still has trouble containing. I feed from peoples happiness. I have therapists and psy because i just have no choice. She knew how to push my buttons, and even as an adult would purposely try to hurt me. Autistic people struggle with theory of mind issues, not insensitivity nor one-dimensionality. Realize you can teach a person on the autism spectrum how to be different. Thank you so much. I am a 47 yo woman who has recently realised she is autistic and currently seeking a diagnosis. I see my psychiatrist regularly. People living on devices, with bluelight burning their retina and corneas. Elizabeth he is a narcissist, I lived with one for 38 years and he almost destroyed me and his family in the process of trying to be in control. Some people just repeat research finding, as if this kind of research would be well informed lol. The more I got to know him I realized he would talk incessantly about himself, his daughters, his hobbies, his past job in law enforcement, his health. Is he manipulative, yes. Too many underlying issues causing the mental illness, Id say. What you are saying definitely makes sense. I had to get my teaching license renewed and finally retired as a teacher. Do high-functioning autistic or aspies hoover? They are able to talk themselves up and can be dismissive of others. What I have written may not solve what people are experiencing living with individuals with Aspergers or Autism, but it may go a long way to understanding how they think and why some do the things they do and in turn may help solve a few problems. In recent months my autistic daughter and I have been trying to source books written by individuals who have autism to better understand what it is all about and how their minds tick. And i checkmark some of boths. a lack of imaginary play. She lives with me. I feel terrible about what I did. After over 30 years I have been worn down and become apathetic, permanently tired, lacking in motiviation and unable to find much joy in my life. Asperger's Or Narcissism - Sarah Cook Ruggera, LMFT They are blind.. they see nothing. . Break up and never look back. Ofcourse that didnt help make my life easier haha can you believe a ADHD senstiive autistic child in a family of cold-hearted monsters They wanted me to shut up but i jsut wouldnt. They teamed up on me to make me guilt trip and think its truly me the problem since they all agree that it is me. That may be that Ive touched a window with my fingertips, or dropped something on the floor, or laughed too loudly. Mary Hinge. Schizo. Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. When we look at the relationships that NPDs get into, the other person is often vulnerable in some way and time and time again, I am finding that when we look at the parents of NPDs, one is NPD and the other is ASD. I wasnt after marriage as I have learned this isnt always appropriate for some but it doesnt mean a relationship cannot develop that will be satisfying for both parties. Since i left behind all my family.. im always.. at peace. . I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. All my efforts to improve my situation.. bring.. results.. finally! When I was recovering from my first breakdown, an understanding friend helped me a lot, talked to me, we talked all afternoon once a week for about a year, many hours! What I do need to add to this is even more obvious that say, dont put Hg and Al into people I felt I had accurately diagnosed him as an Aspie many moons ago, wirh no empathy and it did feel better when I realised it was not all my fault. I dont have a partner, I dont need one, my brain is now at peace not screwed up by someone else trying to manipulate it. Some very dangerously incorrect information about autistic people here, probably better for you to leave it to actually autistic people. There was a wait to get in but in the end it has been well worth it. Before anyone says does it matter which label he has or if he has one at (because I do get these questions so please dont think I am being rude or aggressive). Interesting question for sure. I think I partly understand why it went but it would take a lot of explaining, and Ive probably written enough in this comment. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? (seared conscience). Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. Maybe they have to be taught, if willing. I appreciate the goals of this article, however the content on autism is very inaccurate and based on outdated misconceptions about autism. I have my own life Ive developed, (reinstituted) although that wasnt easy as I also have some severe arthritis to deal with from accidents, etc. But Im not so sure this is correct for those on the autism spectrum. And while they were all working on their own masterplans to ruins everyones life i was seeing, understanding the lies, manipulations. but regularly interrups whatever I am doing to demand attention NOW. and sympathise and I think that may be where some people with Aspergers may have difficulty. A few (lay!) For instance, I have autism, but Im not one-dimensional, I behave differently around different people (as does everyone you dont behave the same way to your SO as to your boss and to your friends). He doesnt feel he does anything wrong and when I try to tell him how I feel and he calls them lectures and adds them to the list. Narcissists with Aspergers? | Lucky Otters Haven I wonder if perhaps Aspies who grow up with Narcs can take on some on their traits because they mimic to try and fit in. What was most interesting was how I recently read that there can be mixtures of narcissism and Aspergers (just called autism spectrum now) and thats how I found your article. Autism also resides. Neither she and my brother understand what upbringing can do in the way of damage and traumatisation. I keep reading that we dont recover but I i imagine there has to be something that works, both for me and people that encounter me. Ive found I can be friendly and develop some important close relationships, inspite of the stubborn Narcissist/autistic barage of put downs and emotional abuse from him. I had no idea how narcissism presented itself in relationships and have read a lot about it as time has passed. He responded that since I just couldnt wait until he was better to hear from him, and since we had no interests in common, that some time apart would give us perspective. Recently however I have observed other traits which seem to indicate a rype of narcissim. They cant or wouldnt. We have mused together over the years that we are on our marriage version X.0 (I think were on 6.0 now), but this time is the final time shell put up with my shenanigans. My brother is recovering slowly with the help of the therapy team and is now at the stage where he must understand the importance of moving through and beyond his experiences. A few months later I had a single, isolated flashback in which I relived about 30 seconds (at most) of horrendous abuse when I was a baby. Heres the kicker though: I think I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum AND a narcissist. Burnout is most likely to happen to good workers who are invested in what they do . Holey moley, sometimes you have to go deep down in the comments to find the real deal :) Thanks! When he has a rage its off the scale! I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. How can narcs understand me, how can narcs call other narcs for waht they are. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension?

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