why do i feel uncomfortable when my dad touches me

Logically, I know he was in the wrong. just knowing theres backup will be comforting, so yes please. by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:33 am, Unread post Disliking chitchat or having your conversations peter out quickly may indicate you are uncomfortable driving an exchange deeper. hi everyone. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. "It physically HURTS me when . He went overnight from being my best friend to being remote and critical." I read that in a student's journal earlier this semester (quoted with permission). by random7777 Sun Nov 18, 2018 8:01 am, Unread post Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. I cringe Sumary: Abuse Support: Always wondered if my father abused me 06-23-2011, 07:05 AM #1 beachmom3 Newbie (female) Join Date: Jun 2011 Location . I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like Im trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that cant be penetrated. Hi, currently still determining whether I can really say if my mom is narcissistic, but Is it normal for me to feel uncomfortable and cringe inside whenever I receive any sort of physical way of displaying affection (like hugging, patting on the back, arms around shoulders, etc.) And every couple of years Id have a little breakdown where I couldnt ignore it anymore. but i beg its not what i want in my life to continue. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldnt really feel it or see it. 1998 - 2023 Scarleteen/Heather Corinna. You're not alone; I'm right here with you. Answer (1 of 28): Because you feel you can't just be yourself. In fact I feel horribly uncomfortable when he does and just want to get away. I dont feel safe alone in a car with him dont know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. wow this truly means a lot, really, just to know people care and are supporting me is incredible. If it's usually around your chest or genital area,then that could be considered molestation and you need to tell someone you trust that this is happening. Most of us have been raised in emotion-phobic cultures. My father is having an extramarital affair. this has happened about 4 times. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dads presence. For as long as I could remember I hated for my dad to touch me in any way. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. this is the definition of sexual abuse. wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. Concerns about an adult's behaviors in a school setting Adult involved with youth makes girls feel uncomfortable. If your dad touches you in a sexual manner or in places that you consider private, this behavior can count as sexual abuse. Any unwanted touching that you feel crosses a line is sexual abuse. I believe it's extremely disturbing that you said, " he might make you uncomfortable, just know he isn't going to do anything to you.". i just think feel sad so its not really traumatic in my head. Why? This can be questions, stories, and comparisons on families. How to connect a person online with a therapist? You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. once before he also got off my bed and there was a small wet patch where he had been laying, and i hope its not what i think it is. It helps ease and lessen the loss when parents can do two things: continue to offer a lesser form of physical affection, and provide expression of caring through words when acts of physical affection are disallowed. You feel that you're not enough and that he is the source of this idea. A dramatic drop in grades at school or a teacher's notice that indicate your child is not listening or doing their work. The answer is because it's painful to witness what he or she has forsaken, but is still missing. If there is redness or pain in their genitals, anus, or mouth. According to Wikipedia, "Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is the undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. Being loved arouses sadness and painful feelings from the past. One of the best ways to find out would probably be to ask your mum or a trusted adult. for some reason, I cringe and get EXTREMELY uncomfortable when my dad hugs me. pity talk, loving words, affection, showing that they love me all freaks and cringes me out. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dads presence. 5 Signs You Were Emotionally Neglected By Your Dad (And It's Affecting You Now), how feelings are managed in the relationship, discouraged from showing emotions other than anger, 5 Ways Your Abandonment Issues Are RUINING Your Relationship, unintentionally emotionally neglected you, emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse, address the effects of the abuse before you address the neglect, Mom Loses It With Husband Ahead Of His 10-Day Hunting Trip & Makes Sure He Knows Exactly How Much Extra Work He's Making For Her, The Sneaky Way To 'Control' Your Family That Theyll Actually Enjoy, Nanny Quits Job After Family She Worked For Didn't Allow Her To Eat 'Their' Food & Made Her Bring Her Own, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 7 Unsexy Habits That Demolish Your Likeability, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive, You feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable when you are alone with your father, You feel that your dad doesnt actually know the real you, Your relationship with your father bland, or feels empty, You struggle to make conversation with your dad, You tend to snap (or feel angry) at your father, and then feel guilty or confused about it. The Healing Power of Emotion: Affective Neuroscience, Development & Clinical Practice (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". When you visit your parents, try to avoid situations in which your father has an opportunity to behave inappropriately. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. emotional talk makes me uncomfortable really uncomfortable. i hope u forget this as well cuz its just someone's life i m sure u have worser in ur life. Simply having this goal in your mind will make a difference. It made me feel really uncomfortable. For most others, however, the degree of giving and receiving a loving touch, or hug, or kiss with parents is intermittently permitted depending on mood and circumstance, perhaps accepting and giving it more on close family occasions, for example, and resisting it when in front of friends. Also if you are uncomfortable with your dad touching you too much, it would be best if you let him know. If you're female, you'll probably feel better talking to a female and for a male it would likely make you feel better to ask another male. I first had this feeling when I was around 20. The capacity for intimacy is modeled by our families. he then falls asleep, or at least what seems like it on my bed, and his hand would travel towards my bare chest under my top and would rub my sensitive area . Ain't sure if I am traumatized myself (sothinking about it Imay have been, but it's not clear in my head and the only person who might've known the truth AND say it to me isn't around anymore ) so all I actually know is what I am and what I feel present time - I tend to lean towards aspec and can relate a bit to everything you said about touching and all so hey, your experience is valid ok? wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. shes threatened him before, and im just scared of what she might do. if thats okay of course ? These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your father's behavior and parenting style. Because we really don't know EXACTLY how these things go in ANYONE's head. he then falls asleep, or at least what seems like it on my bed, and his hand would travel towards my bare chest under my top and would rub my sensitive area, it just seemed like he mustve known what he was doing but ive forever told myself otherwise. I first had this feeling when I was around 20. my dad was always away until he shifted with us when i was 11 and before i was really affectionate and touchy with everyone. If you don't like it or say no and he keeps doing it, then yes. Im uncomfortable with intimacy as well. It was silentmostly because I had no idea what was going on. It depend on which part does he touch you.i mean like we cant just say it is while we dont know how he touches you. If he grabs you by the waist, tickles, or slaps your behind show your opinion with a firm "Dad, I don't care for that. being physically hypersensitive and finding it painful, overwhelming, repulsive or distracting, or too personal and invasive. If anyone is touching your body in a way that you do not want them to, that is wrong. Archived post. difficulty swallowing and breathing coughing The following are some of the potential causes of a goiter: iodine deficiency autoimmune thyroid disorders, such as Hashimoto's disease or Graves'. How Does Ketamine Work Differently from Other Psychedelics? I am sure you probably feel hurt and invaded. i do feel weird if she hugs me but if i start it start like being touchy with her and she recriprocates it i dont feel weird at all. What can youth do about adult making her uncomfortable? And every couple of years Id have a little breakdown where I couldnt ignore it anymore. What's even worse is that we are given the impression that we can control our emotions when the fact is that emotions are not under conscious control. Ive gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. In fact, chronically-avoided emotions are at the root of many common diagnoses like anxiety, depression, and addiction. Adolescence is an emotionally abrasive process wearing down the dependency and similarity between parent and child. And Id be on to other things with bells on, let me tell you. It might be some things we offer aren't within reach for you or aren't what you want: neither are anything you need to be sorry for. by random7777 Sat Nov 17, 2018 2:15 am, Unread post They may also show signs of immaturity or a lack of authenticity. Less like "oh you gotta get treated!" i didnt find any reason yet why i m this way..because this is a big topic. Got it. This depends on where he touches you. Salon.com, Which is better grape seed extract or resveratrol, Where to buy roundup ready sugar beet seed. Then, what I sometimes see happen in high school age young men going through a romantic breakup is greater difficulty processing the devastation than for young women, who often seem better emotionally equipped to process the loss than young men who can silent up or even act out the painyoung women often seeking and finding emotional support, young men often going it alone. When it comes to the demands of daily life our 9-to-5 jobs, family obligations, keeping a household running many of us begin to lose touch with the passion that set us on our paths in the first place. An imbalance of power in a relationship provides the foundation for all forms of verbal abuse. Reducing Your Child's Vulnerability but yea thinking about past does make feel weird but yeah..past is past what can i do now lol. But when we have too much inhibition, we cannot thrive. Ironically, close moments with a partner can activate memories of painful childhood experiences, fears of abandonment and feelings of loneliness from the past. Am I crazy? Depression: Goodbye Serotonin, Hello Stress and Inflammation, How Blame and Shame Can Fuel Depression in Rape Victims, Getting More Hugs Is Linked to Fewer Symptoms of Depression, Interacting With Outgroup Members Reduces Prejudice, You Can't Control Your Teen, But You Can Influence Them. Understanding your feelings and processing them . They are clever creations the mind makes to spare us discomfort and pain. Have these incidents been pretty recent? Im 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. It causes anxiety, logically and very likely, panic. I always have. I feel much more comfortable around girls. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. (By the way, Sam is also here today if you want to keep talking to someone right now as I'm heading out. also Id like to ask about your story at home receiving abuse ?? It's not and not easy thing to do, but no one deserve to be a victim of this kind of a behaviour. Inhibitory emotions, which we know as anxiety, guilt, and shame, block core emotions to keep us in the good graces of our families, peers, and other social groups or to prevent us from getting overwhelmed. No one should touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Reply. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. What does he do when he touches you? It depends on the length of touching and the area in which he is touching you. Accepting? Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. Let it come, let it come. He stares at you but looks away when your eyes meet When a man is into you, it's normal for him to look at you whenever you're around. More Posts. Jennifer P. 6. Childhood experiences can make you feel eternally left out and disenfranchised. It is often perpetrated using force or by taking advantage of another" So if your father touches your private parts or touches any part of your body in a sexual way, then yes. It depends on what kind of touching. I always have. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. When she touches me, it makes me very uncomfortable. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like Im wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. Also, he did discipline me (beat me for misbehaving) when I was younger, but I dont understand why I am so averse to him making contact with me or calling me pet names. We got you. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. Sometimes, deeper feelings lie under the surface. The Transforming Power of Affect: A Model for Accelerated Change. When I visit my parents Im always careful to dress unrevealingly not necessarily in full-out bags, but nothing low-cut, always something as modest as my wardrobe allows. U must stop him from doing that and ask an older person for help u in this situation! I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like Im trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that cant be penetrated. by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 9:05 pm. A new two-step alcohol reduction strategy appears to work by focusing on "why" and "how" messages associated with addictive behavior. In doing so, adolescents can create a loss that they never quite get overthe letting go of a powerful non-verbal intimacy with parents. However, habitually avoiding emotional discomfort using the 12 signs above (and many others) is not a recipe for wellness in the long run. Best of luck. It has always been hard to make friends with guys and I usually feel mildly uncomfortable in their presence. At that point I just wanted to live alone. It depends where he is touching you. How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church? The One Crucial Thing to Do When Your Partner Is Upset, The Serotonin Transporter Gene and Depression. I hate when someone do that to me whether it's from strangers, my own family or friends. Instead, you might rely on other people to tell you you're doing a great job, or. In addition to these guidelines, consider these suggestions for healing the relationship with your father. What parents may encounter at this juncture is a more standoffish and physically unresponsive son or daughter who shies away from the old contact because now it feels inappropriate, even embarrassing, diminishing the older status that they seek. There are many support groups that you can join that will provide you with more insight on this. wow i really deviated from the topic didnt i. I just want to say that I can relate to some point and I would say something more but I'm sort of dead inside. by Sam W Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:51 am, Unread post Engaging in sexual activity when you are not aroused is harmful for your emotional well-being. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. If Emotional Neglect is a part of a larger picture of other kinds of mistreatment from your father, like emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse, its important to focus more on protecting yourself from him. My body might disagree that I have no memory. Lack of attention. Well consider asking yourself this: does it make you uncomfortable? which i cant its just uncomfortable. Being loved arouses anxiety because it threatens long-standing psychological defenses formed early in life in relation to emotional pain and rejection, therefore leaving a person feeling more vulnerable.Why do I feel disgusted by intimacy?Fear of intimacy can stem from several causes, including cert. Or go into therapy. If he hugs around the shoulder, holds hand, gives a pat on the back or on the head, nudges you with his elbow, that's fine, it's just fatherly. Significant others and friends are all welcome. Why are there cultural differences in womens attraction to masculine men? When a man is nervous around a woman, it could be a sign he really likes you. by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:30 am, Unread post by making life hell for him if she were to find out i feel she would hurt him, divorce him, not allow him to see us again, etc and possibly other things if she became that angry.

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